dishing out blue balls.
Can’t a girl dress like a hooker, dance like a stripper, and kiss like a porn star and still be twenty-four-year-old comedian? (I would say virgin, but I lost that ten fingers ago)
THE DRUNKEN MASTER *POW*BOM*OUCH*CHOP*
Dearest Bloggy Diary,
Today is Tuesday August 23rd, 2011. The current time… is unknown. I’ve been drunk for twenty-eight days straight. I made a sober decision to stop drinking. Today is my sobriety celebration. So with that being said, I plan to do things a little different nowadays. First by drinking water with a lemon. Hanging in the sun & lounging at a pool. While maintaining my hairy legs & tanningin inappropriate clothing. But before my life gets boring, I’ll show you a preview of my life…. The life I was living on the weekend. The shit I should have kept private, but because I have no standards and care in the world… it’s public for you to see. So scroll down and laugh at my life. I tend to tear up every once in a while when I think about it.
The Biography Of Lisa Raw
Sapiosexual, avid prank caller, bathroom humor enthusiast. Breaking hearts & boners since 1986. That & I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life.
Well….
I keep going through my phone, photos and calendar dates.. Just to find something to fill in my boredom. I used to be super busy and I still am, but I just feel so empty nowadays. I’m constantly receiving emails for upcoming projects, which excite me and genuinely puts a smile on my face… But I feel like something MORE substantial is missing. Could it be LOVE? Could it be my biological clock is ticking? What is this thing that’s making me feel weird…? WHAT ARE YOU WEIRDO FEELING?When I was a child I used to be so happy just running around kicking my brothers in their balls… NOW after years of being around them.. juggling them, touching them, it just isn’t enough. I need something to complete this weirdo empty feeling. I’m going to be performing at YukYuks in the next week or so. I’ll be doing stand-up comedy for the first time… I’m excited.. I enjoy giving people giggles and boners.. BUT unfortunately someone that I really want to be there (in the crowd)… Won’t be able to make it. Which really sucks. But hey the show goes on. Right? I guess I’ll use this open opportunity to make fun of that person a whole lot more :)
A night with my bitches… This special lady is my best friend, sister, wifey boo boo Dani J. We call this DRUNK’N HOT GIRL night “Stress Relief”.
